The last few days John and I have gotten a little caught up with the stuff that has to be done..rather than what we want to do, and then when we do what we want to do we don't seem to get as much out of it. Yesterday we got his hairs cut and did laundry and dishes, and cleaning, kitty litter the works, we watched some Dexter and got a little caught up. John's allergies were bad and we both passed out early. Today for the holiday John had off, so I rushed out of work at 1...I still worked 7 hours and got things done, but I rushed a bit, so that I could see him. First we had to go pick up the car from Goodyear- where they said nothing was wrong with it- when something is obviously wrong withit, then we made the cats' vet appointment, we went to get Wendys and a matinee in Kapolei after that. Unofortunately, we chose DayBreakers which looked awesome, but ended up lacking...being horribly loud, and just like it had a great idea but didn't follow through with any of it. Then we came home and tried to drink wine and read on the lanai but we ended up getting absorbed in fixing this composter. It is still not fixed. Then I went online and checked out my classes- seems like there is a lot to overwhelm already- mostly in thesis prep- which I did nothing for over the winter, but I was supposed to work on. What did I do all winter???? Then I dropped $300 on books and loggedo n here. John is slamming things...he is angry he has to go to work tomorrow. I am angry too...maybe I will go paddle, that may help. Saturday we had a great day- went out to Kamaha'o for the first time in a long time, and it felt really good. I was a little nervous, they had me stroke a couple of times and this new girl was just awesome and giving me tips and helping me get through the nerves a bit. We caught some waves and got a decent work out. Then we came home and cleaned, paid bills, and went to the Andersons for friends, brewing beer, and eventually some trivia with the drunk guys.

anywho last I seriously updates this was November 14th the night John had staff duty, I remember that night I went to Ernie and Oscar's for fight night, then hung out with John at staff duty for a bit, then came home and watched a movie and fell asleep. John had a crazy night with people doing drugs and breaking stuff. Sunday morning I woke up and made John breakfast then he slept and I did homework...pretty boring...this was in November...

The only thing I can remember right about the next weekend was that we hiked Kahuku on the Sunday the 22nd- first we went and picked up our composter, then we hiked up the beach on the most Northeastern part of the island. when we got to the point this guy came up to us and gave us a Budweiser and said " here is something to drink on the way back to the hotel" so we told him we actually lived on Oahu, and he told us we were trespassing on his land, and I said aren't all beaches in Hawaii public, and he said this wasn't the beach this was his land, and since we are trespassing we might as well drink with him. Then we sat with him at Lihing..which i really don't like, and he kept saying drunk and annoying things about himself , and how we don't understand, and he could have robbed us by he gave us a beer instead- we wanted out of there so bad. On the way home we picked up gobbs of trash and got rained on. Needless to say it wasn't the best hike. I tihnk the night before that we went out to Varsity and Nashville with Nat, and was appalled by how much of a meat market it was. I guess the first time Nat and I went we really were that drunk.

On Thanksgiving we went to Kauai...and we had a wonderful amazing time. We left on Thanksgiving morning and the way there went pretty bad. First we could not find parking anywhere, then we went to check in and found that I had printed the wrong confirmation- so we actually missed our flight. So at that point we were stuck on standby during one of the busiest interisland travel days. So we sat around on stand by for an hour or so, when we finally resolved to split up, and I went ahead of John to get our stuff together around 8:30. They kinda rushed me when I was leaving so I didn't get to tell John I loved him, then we landed in really bad storms and clouds and I was freaking out that we would crash and I would have left him without saying I love you- I really hate flying without him. We landed okay though after bumps and rain pelting the windows, I got our bag, got our car, and found our hotel after driving from Lihue to Kapa'a and then up the hill from there. The streets are highways but not interstates, and there are free runnning roosters everywhere- I guess a sign of the island's cock fighting past. I immediately fell in love with the island because it is green everywhere. Kauai gets ton of rain, and it just lights up the mountains and the farm lands. Everywhere you look nature to explore, and beauty to behold. By the time I found my bed and breakfast I was still a little flustered by in love. From our room we could see the ocean off of Kapa'a and waterfalls going down the mountain. We could also see a ton of crazy crab and big yellow spiders all over the wall. So I checked in, left our stuff, and went to Safeway. Luckily John called then to say he was in so i went to pick him up. When I saw him I was so happy- we were finally starting our Kauai vacation I just talked a mile a minute about how beautiful everything was and how relieved I was now that everything was over. We went to Safeway picked up chicken and peppers, garlic, potatoes, avocado, and a few other things for our own Thanksgiving dinner. Then we brought the groceries back to the B&B to relax and basque in our comfortable surroundings. After a short nap, we walked around the permimeter of the house and checked out our innkeeper's gardens, then we took the rental car and drove up the coast towars Hanalei. We stopped at a lighthouse, and then at a beach in Hanalei. But after having to drive through some mild running water (and knowing that road had been closed just that morning) we just took some pictures of the beach and waves and headedback towards the room. Back in the room we drank a couple of beers and made our Thanksgiving dinner and watched tv, then fell asleep early. John passed right out, but it was actually so quiet I had trouble sleeping at first, then we had this wild cat outside and I got some strange imagesi n my head, luckily I finally fell asleep :) That's all for now, gotta sleep and get ready for tomorrow...feels good to catch up a little atleast.

Updating from Arizona. Its been a wild ride the last month, so just to catch up on some of the highlights.

November- John had staff duty the last saturday I updated. It was frustrating for me, but I did homework, worked out, and went to fight night at Ernie and Oscars. John worked crazy hours throughout November and December. He has been acting as Plt. Sgt, which is actually an E7 job. (he is only an E6) Then his troop of 46 people is sharing extra duties 50/50 with a troop of 150 people..unfair a bit? Plus they had a change of command to prepare, and all these extra responsibilities he has been given, and then the upcoming time in National Training and Iraq this May. Anywho, so the weekend went by fairly uneventfully. Let's see what else I can remember. Work and school shaped a lot of November and December. Hold on task to do.

Recently, during my trip to meet Liam, I discovered one of my Grandmother's old travel journals-it was a really great reminder for me why it is so important to record your memories. We got to read about her trip across the country with my grandfather about 12-13 years ago. She wrote about visiting us in Chicago- where we ate, what we were into and talking about. I guess she even did the whole Alcatraz Sanfrisco Bay tour that I took them on two years ago- thinking it was the coolest thing they would ever do- she didn't mention that she had done it before- but that is because my grandmother exhbits a particular charm, humility, and grace, which I could only hope to achieve through my years on this earth. I digress, the important thing here is writing. Our generation is very lucky, we can preserve our memories is nicely compact and accessible online locations- such as livejournal and flickr. No more digging through boxes and detiorating scrapbooks- although i'm sure there will still be some of that. ( we have scrapbooks still- and I have a lot of friends that are scrapbook fanatics) but the scrapbooking world has definitely been altered by this online medium. (OK duh..this has lost its insightfulness)So anywho I thought this the perfect time to update, as I am waiting on my ipod to charge so I can go to the gym - since I slept in during practice today, and then maybe swim too, and visit John on staff duty. Saturday staff duty is such an awful thing..it takes away you whole weekend- we actually had plans to go camping and hiking this weekend. O well, such is life :)


Quick update- life on the Hojoe homestead as been a little stressful lately. We did manage to get on two really good hikes the 1st and teh 8th. The 1st on Kealia Trail which is 7.5 miles, a beautifully maintained trail- with heart beating hills, and and awesome overlook of Makua Valley. (which is my goal to get into- even though its owned by the army)Last Sunday we did Pupukea summit- but got lost and added an extra mile- making it about 10 miles. The army recently put a road through the hiking area (the army owns way too much of Oahu) but once we found the summit trail for the Ko'olau mountains, we had a nice actually hiking trail, complete with fresh mud, and lots of we trees and plants. We even saw a young pig, and tons of hunting dogs, but that was before the narrow trai- they are all super sweet somehow- not what you would expect. Hiking has been good- but otherthings not so much. John and I are both putting in crazy hours between work and school right now. Debbie quit- sort of- and I have been working just about 40 hours a week, with the commute to Honolulu it becomes quite a lot more. On top of that I'm taking 4 graduate classes. Despite the fact that thesse classes can be pretty easy I need to make sure my work reflects what I want to do in the future- get an advanced degree in Ecological Economics (more on that in a second), and then on top of that there is paddling and running- which I want so bad not to gain the weight I lost during paddle back, but then I also want to drink beer and eat cheeseburgers- so its a bad combination. I have been trying to get out- but it hasn't been too great. I ran 4 miles this week, and did a ton of pull ups. Last week I paddled on Wed evening- and felt really out of shape. They kkept asking me how I was doing- which seemed like a bad sign (must have been breathing hard) It has been hard breathing during physical activity since this summer- I can't help but wonder if I really aggravated my asthma for good. But anywho, like I said before I should have gone paddle this morning- but sleeping in felt so good. I also don't know if I want to paddle oc6 right now. Since it now looks like John will get deployed again, I want to do everything that we like to do together. Plus I want to explore other things during the off season- like hiking, swimming, camping, two-man paddle, etc.. I don't want to be completely committed to paddling all the time againt til maybe mid January- February. I don't knowwhere my position on paddling is right now. Lately I feel like I'm more focused on leaving Hawaii then staying. I've been doing a lot of planning for our next step, so it has been difficult to live in the moment- and think about myf riends here, and paddling. I find myself not wanting to hang out with them, and really sinceI don't go to Kamaha'o anymore, I only have Nat right now. I'm nervous too though, that if I dont' paddle I will be miserable when John leaves me...plus I will miss it, but if I miss it, then I will just get out and paddle again right? This is not the dilemma it appears to be. lol....Other highlights, I went to a Sierra Club function last weekend..very stylish (silent auction) and something fun and different for me. (I'm all about doing things out of the comfort zones these days- I think this is because I have taken on these new roles at work) Saturday last week John and I spent all day making more room in our house by moving things around, then we went to Outback for dinner, and watched the movie Blood Surf- about a killer salty (salt water crocodile) who likes to eat surfers, who chum the water for sharks - it was an awful movie, but a fun relaxing date night. Lately I've been feeling myself drifting away from going out- partly because when we go out all our friends seem to be looking to hook up. I love all my friends- single, and taken- but that mentality gets old, and usally leads to me overdrinking. Which really gets OLD!!! I miss the STegers, who we get together with drink margaritas andplay WII, or the Cains who we make dinner with then play spoons (while drinking)- even my friends in Monterey- they were single, but could go out to hang out, not look to hook up. This is something that has been weighing on my lately, and probably contributing to my future oriented, post-Hawaii, mind set. But, recently we had contact from the Cains again,so I am hoping we may hang out with them soon. Despite everything that happens, when they are together, and we all hang out, it is normally a pretty good time. Last night we went out to Chillis- did a cross word while we waited for dinner, and spent some time discussion population models, and army cadences. We then came home and watched Dexter Season 1 on netflix- Carolyn is getting us addicted :)

So future planning- these are the schools I'm highlighting and some pros and cons- they are all expensive- so I am going to stop putting that as a con

Rennasleur Polytechnic Institute- PhD in Ecological Economics
Location =: NY City
Duration: Probably about a year or so

Pros
PhD program
close to family and friends
J could go to school

Cons
hard to getinto
expensive to live in NY
Need better GRE scores
Need to take more Pre-reqs

University of Vermont- MACertificat in Ecological Economics
Duration: Probably 6 months to a year

Pro
probably shorter
not many prereqs
Most likely to get in- safety program

Con
J probably would not go to school till after
only a certificate-

California State University- Stanislaus- MS in Ecology and Sustainabilty, concentration Ecological Economics
Location: Stanislaus, California (near Yosemite, Modesto, and not too far from Sacramento)
Duration- probably 3 years!

Pros
California- we would have fun anywhere, but it is really close to yosemite
Close to friends
John could go to same school-probably live in married housing?
Good program!!

Cons
Would need to establish residency to get better financial aid and tuition (work a year first?) or will have to pay more!
Probably will be about 31 before i finish
When to start a family?
Expensive to live in CA


When to start a family weighs in on all of my decisions really, because I want us to start a family in the next few years. But these are choice we must make, the CA choice would probably help even John and I up on career potential becaus he would finish his degree, and possibly more, while I am getting my Masters 9(he already has his associates) I think I will apply all around, but CA may be my top choice only because it is such a good program- grounded in application. Tough to say.

Right now I must focus on all that i have going on, I need to get into a basic economics course and an advanced Environmental Science class for the winter and spring, and then focus on economics and Math for summer and possiblyone next fall, I know it is expensive, but if we are frugal hopefully we can come out still okay enough to work, have a family, and continue being adventurous and generous. OO I also have to focus on taking my GRES, and also right now I need to stay focused on school, work, and working out RIGHT NOW...as well as Christmas season, which is the first J and I spent together in 3 years. I want to truly cherish this Christmas, because last Christmas was so awful. Leify was missing, we had all planned onspoiing him for Christmas and were left with no one to take care of. John was gone too, and it was a sadness that marked the whole holiday. This year though, John is here for the whole season. We are putting up a tree, lights, drinking hot chocolate, watching Christmas movies, and going downtown to watch the Christmas lights celebration :) Then we are going to AZ for Christmas eve, and spending it where we belong. Somehow I have to figure out how to spoil Liam, but not give into the commercialism of Christmas....that is the big dilemma this year. :)

Okay so THursdays are fastly becoming my favorite day of the week. Currently this is what my weekly schedule looks like:

Monday: up at 5 am, work 6:30-3, class 5-7:30/8, home to do homework for online class
Tuesday: work 9-3ish, supposed to run when Iget home this week I didn't, do homework for online class and Wed class
Wed: work 6:30-12:00, class 12:30-3:30, practice 5-7,
Thursday: work 6:30 to 2:30 ish, sometimes Green club meeting at 4 somtimes go home and run, then cook dinner and watch NBC primetime with husband and drink beer :) it is truly the best night of the week, Friday and Saturday are okay, but Thursday I can not possibly be working on any more homework, because I have Friday to do that, and I can really relax, eat a lot and drink beer with my husband while watching some guilt free (because it is so good) television.

Last night was no exception. I went to the Green Club Meeting after a really good productive day at work. Then I grabbed an express bus home, got some Blue Moon pumpkin ale, sauted some peppers and onions to throw on top of veggie italian sausages and delicious big potatoe rolls and then sat down to watch Community, Parks and REc, The Office, and the premiere of 30 Rock.. John and were having such a great time, that first we turned the tv off and talked for about 30 mintues..kinda buzzed ramblings, some serious- most not... Then we watched 2 episodes of season 4 from Supernatural. It was such a wonderful night, even when we watch tv were still talking an djoking and tickling and laughing, so even though it doesn't sound like much it was just a really great night :) Afterward we fell asleep listening to "our song' (Shattered by Remy zero- we danced to at our wedding)

Anywho lots to do today, so that is all the updating i'm doing- going to see the Wailers tonight- 2nd time for me seeing Bunny

So it is October 3rd, and the last time I updated about my own life was August 18th. It seems I got myself caught in a whirlwind of an unstable boss and stressful work situation, as well as paddling all the time. The month of September was a busy, crazy, wonderful month. Before I begin though, which will nto be too detailed I'm sure- I just want to note about today. Right now I'm sitting on my lanai, it is Association approved now...no word yet on whether or not we will pay attorney fees for the previous violations. I am typing on my husband's net book while the trade winds flow from the parking structure and provide much needed relief from the Fallod sp Hawaiian sun. John is reading, and both of us are enjoying a beer...me an Oktoberfest, John a Marzen. Ziggy is mewing in the background...pleading his case to be a part of the group on the lanai. We had a great day today...finally a day we spent together and in good spirits the whole time. Up at 6 am, we went up to Wheeler this morning so John could check on his soldiers doing weekend details. Then we drove over to the pool and the gym and found them both closed, so instead we drove down to Ewa and picked up our two man canoe. We went straight out off Iroquis point for 2-2.5 miles, but realized that our ama was on backwards! Not wanting to take the tippy canoe into the bigger swells we turned around and headed in to shore. Sharing something like a canoe is a great test of a relationship. The physical pain of walking it back and forth to the beach, as well as learning to blend and deal with stresses that may come out in the water can all bring about personality changes in the best of people. John and I are no exception, today we both got frustrated through various parts of the process. But when we got back to shore we sat for a bit, moved around the ama, then went back out to do a little surfing. John is getting really good at steering and we actually caught 3 good waves...it was awesome. After paddling we came home, showered, and hung out-relaxing for abit, then we went grocery shopping at the NEX (spent way too much money) and now here we are. Getting ready to grill up Huli chicken and corn on the cob, and watch some Army wives and Animation domination. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it was a really good day.

So catching up into August. The week after Dukes, Nat and I made crew for the Dad's Center. We were excited but crazy nervous. The Dad's center is a race from Kailua to Waikiki. It goes around Waimanalo, Makapu'u Point, and Sandy's Beach....all places known for their wind, big swells, washing machine effects, and general scary conditions...It was also going to be my first water change race. So that week was about preparing for this race...while also trying to get some people together for the Kona Queen Liluokalini 18 mile race over labor day weekend. Also during that week my boss decided I could no longer be trusted. She yelled at me, told me we were going to start doing things her way, then canceled her trip to Arizona. Things have still not gotten back to normal. Sometimes she trusts me to keep doing what I'mdoing, other times she acts like I'm out to get her and her company. It has been extremely stressful, and I'm honestly trying to stay calm and hang on for my paycheck. So come the weekend of the Dad's Center and I went out to watch the men's shorter course in Kailua. The wind was 20-25 knots, and the water conditions were rough. We had a men's crew not finish. All weather forecasts were calling for the conditions to be worse the next day (day of the women's race) as our coach decided what to do, all 3 of our escort boats pulled out of the race! We were done :( So no Dad's Center, no crazy scary conditions. But we tried to make the most of the day- helped the guys unrig the canoes, then went out to lunch at Fat Boys with the New Hope girls and tried to get to know them better. Afterward I headed home watched tv, and then went out bowling with Oscar, Ernie, Nat and some of their friends. It was a really good time of cheering each other on and buying lots of beer:) The next day to bury our woes about not racing, Nat and I went shopping at the Outlet malls and out to dinner/lunch. :)

The next week we paddled monday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday. It was my 8 days of paddling! Monday, wednesday, friday, saturday and monday were at New Hope. Saturday was a really tough day of practice- going on several long runs from Honolulu to Waikiki, and doing some practice water changes. It was followed by breakfast with Lono and lots of rest. Thursday, Sunday, Tuesday WEdnesday, were at Kailua...practicing with a team to do the Queen Liloukalani. Our hodepodge crew was having some trouble getting a blend. Thursday's practice was introductory for all of us, and followed by a little bonding at The Shack. Sunday's practice was tough, but followed by beer andlots of food. ( grilled steaks and poke..mmm) Tuesday practice was a lot of fun, cuz it was just Lohi and I with the guys. They have a really nice slow pace full of power. iliked their style. So come Wednesday two of our crew members (Nat and another) dropped out of the race. So for practice they put me in one and Tav and two. Granted she has been getting on our nerves for a bit, because she kept ordering us around throughout our Kailua practice- and Nat and I feel like she isn't really our coach anymore, especially no the coach of out little ecletic Kona crew- especially when she was probably in the worse shape of all of us- and kept coughing and stopping. Anywho this is leading up to what happened at that Wed practice. So I sat one, and started us at a slow pace to mimic the style I saw the day before. Well Tav wasn't there the day before, and decided I was going too slow. At one point she was paddling really sloppy and splashing water at me..hit me in the back twice, and continued to yell at me as if I was one of her kids...I kinda snapped back, and when we stopped I offered her to sit in the first seat which she eventually took, after a couple more runs. But I was pretty hurt by her actions, when she sat one and I sat two I tried to be really supportive towards her so she would see the right way to act..we seemed okay after that, but I was hurt..and I didn't want to stroke after that. That Thursday we got ready to go to Kona, and I picked up John from the airport. He was a sight for sore eyes..after my unstable #2 and my unstable boss, all I wanted was to see Joh. Thursday night we went out to Big CIty diner then home for a beer and to relax. We secure two new hope girls to paddle with us since Nat and Renee quit and we got ready to go to Big Island. Friday we slept in and ran a ton of errands, and headed to the airport our 7 for the Big Island. I hate flying but do much better when John is around. We got in late..around 8:30, picked up our car, discovered our luxurious little hotel room overlook the Pacific Ocean (Kona Castle Reef) and carbed up with some Pizza Hut pasta. Then we hit the hay. Saturday morning we were up around 5ish...i tried to eat, but ended up throwing up from nerves- my nerves were shot after Wed. WE walked to the race start, and grabbed some coffee along the way. The start was crazy packed with people- crews from all over the world- canoes, and up beat music. Everyone showed up and we tried to decide seats and I let Tav know one of the new hope girls could stroke- because she obviously didn't want me to stroke. I know I was being immature, but I didn't want to get yelled at for 18 miles. So Tav talked to Lance, and we decided Iwould sit 5. One of the other girls, I know well, insinuated that me not stroking would be good because the New Hope girl was okay "with someone talking to her" - as if that was all it was on Wed...whatever, she had spent the night with Tav..and obviously they talked about it. I regret this now..but after it all went down I took a lot of negative energy in the canoe with me...on top of the negative energy we flipped at the start- because the start is huge and extremely crowded. We got wedged between two canoes and the left canoe's 3 and 4 just tossed our ama in the air. Because we didn't try to lift the canoe when we flipped it back over (Thanks to Lohi and Tav) we ended up bailing for 30 minutes! But we got her out of there. The race was really tough, and like I said I felt like I brought some negative energy into it- which I'm not proud of...I should have stroked- it was my race to stroke. That was the ultimate issue- I felt like Tav took it away from me. Ontop of bad energy my hydration system was not good for paddling, and I had to miss strokes for water and to get powergell... I felt like, because of this I took the most breaks. But I know I was strong and helped my canoe come to the finish. We did the 18 miles in 3 hours and came in 70 out of 74. Seeing John at the finish line was the best feeling ever, and I really wish I didn't still feel so negatively. I hid it though, and made sure the new hope girls knew I was proud of them for making it, and stroking, and especially happy they were in the canoe with use- as well as the other girls. Afterward, I tried to talk to John about what was bothering me but I didn't really understand so it kept out in frustrated briefs..and we ended up getting really mad at each other. Luckily...we worked it out, John was patient and listened to me while I talked it out, and we figured out that I just felt sore about what happened, unvalidated, and felt like because of that I brought a lot of negative energy into something that should have been all positive- and I should have left it all on the shore. He and I ended up having an awesome afternoon after that- we got lunch at a cute little place overlooking the men's race as they retraced the women's path along the Kona shore of the Big Island, then we hung out for a bit before picking up Nat from the airport. Now I was happy to see NAt and hang out with her in Kona because she is my friend, the fact that she pulled out of our race didn't bother me, because we still got to race... and it happpens..I felt like she was kicking herself more than any of us...so I kinda just felt bad she didn't get to race. So we picked her up and met the rest of the crew- minus new hope girls- at Lance and Lohi's place just further down the shore from us. We were all eating and drinking- John and Elray sequesterd them self tot he bbq pit. and Everyone was kinda rude to Nat about her not being at the race. They said she should have been there to stroke, and we needed her, the whole thing made me feel more insecure about what we did. Whatever, I had fun there...one girls' mom was drunk and hilarious, Tav and I got to dance insync- and show off what we could do out of the canoe, and Lohi was in general being drunk and talking up a storm. But it was all uncomfortable, and I was sick of seeing Nat trying to win everyone's understanding and affection, so we left and went dancing at Lulu's. There we had a blast! We met up with Josie, and danced like crazy. So crazyily that I didn't notice John falling asleep at the table. We met up with our New Hope stroker and had a lot of fun. AFterward we were sitting outside and NAt was looking at a motorcycle gang- saying I want to ride one of those. So I, being extremely drunk, went up to one of the large Hawaiian guys looking at the motorcycle and asked if someone could give my friend a ride. It seemed like a big joke, but one offered and he gave John and I his ID and told us to meet him at the King Kuhio hotel up the road. So that is what we did. As wes go to the dark parking lot of the Kuhio, the other bikers waiting looked at us kinda meanly. One approached us and in a throaty deep voice said "what are you doing here?" I pulled out our new friend's id and explained what was going on. A twinkle of friendship appeared in the large, muscular man's eye, and he said "oh, what are you drinking?" Then he proceed to pull us out two Heinikens, and we all talked story till nat arrived. I don't know how long we hung out with the bikers, being goofy, talking about life on the road and in the islands, but we didn't walk back to our place til about 5 in the morning. It was a very interesting night. To round up our trip of Kona before I get out of here and start some homework- Sunday we were all hung over- we went to watch some of the double hull competition, andthen for some bad breakfast at a mexican restaurant called Huggos. Afterward we checked out our hotel and hung out by the pool til time to go to the airport. I had a great time, but I was ready to move on with paddling, school, work, and life with my husband.

At that telling 50 th birthday party, she said nothing to me about Mom, but now I know when it started. When we tried to discuss exactlly what was going on she cut us (Gary & I) off and insisted that she knew what she was doing. She got extremely defensive. I didn't know why then, now I know. Yes, Marie, there is quite a history. But your right, this is really not for you and I to be hashing out. Unfortunately, something happened back here in May that has basically has shown me that your Mom is a very fragile person psychically and very unapproachable. I tried to talk to her about something heated and she acted kinda crazy. So, I've really not attempted any further dialogue with her about anything. Our family does not do conflict well, and I'm very conflicted right now. But I'm done now and I'm sorry you had to get in the middle of this. On a lighter note, I did get into that Masters program and I start school on September 19th. I haven't been to school in 10 years!!! Hope it's going well for you. Love and Peace and I'll try for a kinder gentler path. Karen

I'm not writing back. I'm exhausted, and my Aunt Karen doesn't seem to care what we have to say... I don't know what happened between her and my Mom last May, except my Mom didn't want to ride home with her because her driving was too rough, and then according to my mother my aunt chased her aroudn the house and cornered her demanding why she didn't, and it turned in to this whole traumatic thing..but that's my mom and that is my aunt.. I wanted to make sure my aunt knew she was wrong, and although she didn't admit anything...she backed off a little, but not completely...but she isn't involved wiht the money anymore- that was never the goal but anyway...maybe I'll review again later,

in other news..catching up on the episodes of The Guild, and it is wonderful!!

Yes; I was directed there by Carolyn. It was very upsetting to me. I have known what my Mom was doing with Nana's money since she began, and how happy she was making Nana, because she was able to secure her future and her payments at Applewood. I know right now you are thinking I don't know the whole story, or I don't know all the details. I also realize that personal finance gurus advise against putting retirement money above the age of 65 into stock funds, but in Nana and Pop-pop's situation there were fewer choices, they were in a position where they needed growth and funds, and perhaps the money was invested poorly prior to retirement- that I do not know. However, I know Nana trusted my mother with her money, and I know up until the recession began in 08 the performance made everyone happy- Nana was able to visit her grandchildren in three different states, go on a cruise, and sustain caring for Pop-pop- because she felt secure in her money's performance. I not only wholehearlty believe that my Mom helped my grandmother, but that she also did it because she loves her parents and felt she was doing the best she could by them. (just so you know I agree with that) I would never, ever, describe what my mother did as malicious, toxic, gambling, or selfish.

Furthermore, I have and do trust my mother's financial opinion. She has managed my first ROTH IRA, and I am constantly exchanging investing ideas with her. My Mom taught me how to look at different items in the market, and if I ever have a question, I ask her..because trust me she knows her stuff.

As far as the lake house goes, I blame that on our entire family and not on Nana's inability to pay, and not on my Mom. For the last 8-10 years passing down the lake house was being thrown around in the family to make up for a much need savings buffer. I realize I was young at the time, but I understood it. Nana held on as long as she could, because no one could manage the payments- none of her daughters or granddaughters could get it together. John and I really wanted to buy it, but with my decision to get my Masters it would have mean expensing most of our savings for the down payment, and then living on ramen noodles, and we weren't sure we were ready for that commitment, when we didn't know where life would take us. So the failure of the lake house is on our and ourfamiliy 's part. Not on Nana's and certainly not on my mother's

I'm sorry if this letter sounds cold; I hate being involved in something like this, but I find the necessity to stick up for my mother's intellect and knowledge yes, but most of all her intent. Her intent to help her mother and be there for her family. Any other description is hurtful, and wrong, and deserves nothing more than a cold response.

sunday I went out to watch the girls finished. I wanted to be there to show the team that I wasn't still sour from not making crew..and they seemed to appreciate it. I tried to press down my jealousy as they came in and feel good for them, and I think it worked. I have to remind myself that there is plenty of time to do plenty of things. Afterward i went home and cleaned like crazy. I did dishes, laundry, the kitty room, vacuumed and swiffered all of the floors, and cleaned up the lanai so the association would stop hassling me. All with enough time to shower, make delicious homemade potatoe soup, and meet Nat and Sean at the movies to see District 9. I loved the movie- I loved the social commentary on apartheid, refugees, and cohabitation of people/species/intelligent beings. I just thought it was well made, and had me thinking abotu those various connections. It also had me thinking about the Army and how happy i am that John will be getting out. See, part of the problem may be that I watched too many movies at an early age and then I continue to watch tons of movies, but you know we have the good guys and the...i'll have to leave that thought, I just started a show called Eco Trip and its good so far...

I have so many typographical errors..I was just reading over some old entries where I said things like "I heart my back really bad" and "this was a big time to talk about the race"....their not even words being misspelled and misued, they are just plain incorrect. I think it is a sign of my fingers not typing my thoughts fast enough, and I'm always on the next idea before I get it down, so two ideas get mixed up....hopefully, that or I'm just plain crazy.

So last Saturday I didn't end up doing much. I went out shopping...got exhausted from all of the people at the outlet stores and bought a pair of shoes I still have yet to wear. After being so exhausted I went out and bought plate lunch and came home and watched a lot of television..sadly enough I think that characterizes most of my night...maybe there was some cleaning involved.

Sunday I went out to Makaha in the morning to help them with their race. They were hosting a distance race called the Kaena Challenge. At first I drove out to Yokohama Bay..but saw little as far as race set up and paddlers...just gorgeous line of pristine beach. So then I called Tav and found out it was at Makaha beach park. So I drove back down and met up with Elray, Walter, and Newman. Helped them start getting everything set up. Tav arrived we helped, and talked a bit about the clubs and uncle bob. Then we had a little time before the canoes came in to finish so we took Walter's kayaks out for a spin. He has these kayaks called the "wave witch" they are a little narrower than the other open ocean kayaks I have been in..and it defintely showed when I got out there. Both Tav and I kinda ended up doing donuts and getting spun by the wind..I flipped two or three times, each led to a number of bruises over my arms and legs from getting back on the kayak. Afterward the trip out in the water we served the paddlers coming in with smoked chicken and rice, and then tried to help out with some other things. Out of the whole Makaha club only 2 guys had showed up to run and organize the race...it was a very good thing we were there..I ended up staying till about 5/5:15 and Tav and Elray even longer than that. But I had a great time, was happy to helpout, and even happier to tak ehome a bag of delicious smoked chicken :)

The week at work went by really fast- Monday was tiring. I got off a little early and despite how much I brought to eat I was starving so I went to McDonalds...bad choice. I also got in an argument with John before I ate,but after I ate I felt bad..I was in a bad mood pretty much all of the beginning of last week. Practice was really rough on me, I just felt exhausted from the getgo, and felt like I was keeping up in the canoe..we did a ton of sprints, which did not help. So I left feeling pretty bad and useless, but determined to make the next practice better. Afterward I went to the mall and got Charleys and hung out with Nat for a bit...that defintely helped me relax a little more and lighten up a lot.

Tuesday was supposed to be the day that hurricane Felicia rocked the islands of Maui and Oahu...however besides a light drizzle, I woke up to any other Augut day in Ewa. So I went to work despite the fact that I had planned on staying home. Work was pretty relaxed but busy since Debbie didn't show. Afterward I was nervous about practice out at Iroquis, becuase there were 15 ft waves on the East shore and I figured we had to be getting a part of that...however my fears were unfounded. Practice was eerily calm. You could see it raining in Honolulu and farther down Ewa Beach, but in our small pocket of air the water was barely swelling and the sunshine was glistening off of it. We took the inside route all the way to Ewa Beach and then turned around. I sat one out and five coming in..which made me sad to be taken out of one, but they said they were going to do it from the beginning. There were some bigger swells cresting in our area around Ewa and Dog park, but it seemed worse on the way back..would have been good practice for me though to face the cresters...but I had a great time anyway. Went home, made dinner, and watched Dickie Roberts till I really should have been in bed.

Wednesday was a busy day. I cleaned up in the morning, worked from 11 to 4ish, then had a great practice. Sat in a really good canoe and we actually lead the race during the second run, we were the first to turn and I felt strong and really good. Much better than Monday. After practice Chantel and I got some food at Ward Center then I met up with Ernie and Oscar at the No Doubt concert. They were amazing live, we were jumping an ddancing..they were jumping and going nuts, never missing a beat, never getting out of breath. I forgot how many hit songs they had through the years, and funny how, as they went through the albums, the words of each struck a different chord in my memory from the early days of middle school into my marriage, and driving around with my husband just a few weeks ago. It was so cool to see a group that really grew with you. Afteward we were supposed to meet up with Tav and Pua, but couldn't find them, and I felt like heading out..so that i endedup just calling it a night.

Thursday I ended up working late until 5:15 so I coulcn't make it to practice. BY the time I got home it was fairly late so I sat down and had som ewine and dinner right away, and then I just kept on drinking the wine all night through NBC's Thursday line up then later online...it was a long night of drinking wine an dhanging out.

Friday morning I clean and got to work by 11. Work was fairly easy and I was out by 4. Went to practice..it was okay, except he had me stroke a little and told me I went to slow. Then Chantel went in 1 and I went in 2 and I had a hard time following her because I felt like she wasn't reaching just trying to paddle really fast. At the end of practice I found out neither Nat or I made crew this weekend. So I was really bummed and didn't feel cheered up till after I talked to John, I got a candy bar, beer, and a ton of sushi. Still I watched a little tv, showered and read till I fell asleep.

Today I went to the gym this morning to cross train and get ready for some water changes...but I ate like crap today so even though I went to the gym and I been paddling all week..I feel like I need to get my eating under control. I still have a nice little layer of fat around my stomach and my legs and waist that I would like to get rid of....lightler people get in the boat easer. I spent a lot of today relaxing. I talked to John on the webcam and tried to figure out the check book. got a pizza and watched school of rock, had a couple of beers, got a mt dew (see what I mean about bad food) and watched Bobby. I really liked what they did with the movie...some of the acting was less than supberb, and I'll never be a big Lindsy Lohan fan, but I liked the story. Then I came online and bought my books for school next semester, and upated this. So time to go to bed, tomorrow I'll go up and support New Hope and start trying to eat healthier and more like someone training to long distance paddle.

Mom came and left, we had a good visit in the end. A lot of fighting and bickering...a lotof underhanded comments, but it takes time. The last night was a good one. It was the first time in the whole trip I felt happy to have her here with out feeling stressed. I mean we had a lot of fun together watching army wives and big love,going to the Dole Plantation, paddling, Shangrila house- Doris Duke, and the Oahu train, but I felt something else behind me that soiled the visit for me. Something like anger that still holds strong, and wouldn't let up. But i started to find a little peace towards the end, and I know there is more to be found for those of us (ie my family) that are willing to look. so she left at the end of July- I took the rest of that weekend off except for a night of debauchry with Nat. Well it wasn't so badd just a few too many beers at Nashville Waikiki and Varsity. Where Nat met an Chief Warrant Officer that I was convinced was not who he said he was..turned out he was..lol. Starting Monday I started paddling again. ..went out to New Hope monday and wed, and Kamahao Tuesday, then took Thursday and Friday off and went down to Chinatown tonight with NAt, Private Dancer (Chief) and her new roomate Scott. Went to Bar 35 and it was hot and kinda lame...fun when Nat's other friends were there and we were dancing, but then lame in the end. Then we went to a little dive place call Sam's Union Bar where there was a Japanese bachelor celebrating the night before his wedding by dancing around like a crazy spastic ballerina. Him and his friends turned the place into a crazy riot...the characters in that bar...as I told Nat during the night- if only I was a writer...at one point a black man in a pink pin striped suit with a feather in his hat, walked in shook people's hands..and then walked out...neighborhood pimp? Scott made friends with a local guy convinced he would teach him to surf- i don't see that happening but whatev... and we generally had a good time. Got home at 3 and woke up at 7 for paddle practice- went out today and was one of 6...and one of 4 regular Kamahao paddlers. Had an awesome paddle probably between 4 and 6 miles out in the beautiful calm swells (calm before the storm as we prepare for the hurricane!!) It was wonderfully relaxing, then I came home, made breaky, talked to John, watched Shark week and had an uncomfortable conversation with Uncle Bob about switching teams, and now he is all upset..and Tav has to go talk to him... oiyy vey ... that's all for now. I had something to write about a family situation, but I'm going to wait until I'm more awake.

Oh but one thing.. I had a wonderful dream about Leify the other night- so great I pressed snooze 4 or 5 times to get back to it. i was holding him in the carrier- he looked the same as the last time i saw him, but he was more developed mentally- he was talking and more aware of our relationship together, as he kept hugging and kissing me. He was talking to Care and Tim and asking them for things with this beautiful little voice. I remember hugging him over and over and feeling his soft baby skin... I hope it was just something sent to me to get excited about Liam coming! :)

I dont know why my Mom likes to hurt me...I don't know why she wants to make me upset, while also spreading lies. ButI guess she needs a reason to feel important. She had found some statistics somewhere that Hawaii has more 10x the SIDS deaths, and she says it is because of the VOG and the air..but these are things she decided before she came out here, and I don't trust my Mom as the most savvy researcher, so I just ask her not to talk about it. I don't believe the things she says, and I really don't want to hear what we should have been doing with Leify- she doesn't realize how much it hurts to think we could have made it so he didn't leave us, and I know in my heart that isn't true. So I ask her to not talk about it with me...so what does she do over dinner with friends tonight, is bring it up in a crowded place so I can't say anything, so I am trapped in the pain that she causes. Later when I bring it up she tells me she has every right to talk about it and I need to get over it. I told her I know you have every right, but don't you think your being a little selfish...but that is my mom...selfish, and just wanting to support what she wants to support. I came on tonight to find evidence refuting her claims, thus making everything she says useless. But then I finally stumbled upon Leify's memorial that Carolyn has worked so hard on. I know I avoid Daily Strength and I definetely avoid watching the videos and pictures of Leify, and I feel like a horrible person in doing so, because I'm not thinking of him, but when I do I feel like the grief is still raw, I've just been covering it up. I miss him so much, I see him everywhere in Hawaii. Every where in my house I see him doing something... and tongiht when my mother disappeared from Borders for some crazy reason I started looking at this book about losing a baby, and how it means losing so much more because you have all these plans and dreams for their future. And I did that for Leify...I would always look at him and picture him playing with legos at the age of 5- he would have blonde hair like his Daddy and I was hoping Carolyn or my Dad's smile...kinda mischevious but so loveable. I saw him running in toddler clothes, I saw hime talking with missing teeth. I thought about him having girlfriends, playing sports, and becoming and adult we could have been proud to have had a part in his life. I wanted so much more for him, and I wanted so muchmore for Carolyn and Tim. She should have danced with him on his wedding day, he should have taught him how to drive, they deserved to stress over him, fight with him, tickle him, and watch him grow for years to come...we all did. Even now, when he would only be a year and a half old...not a day goes by that I don't think about the things he would be doing and saying...everyday I bet Carolyn would have new news. I was hoping he would call me Auntie Rie...Marie is hard for little ones to say, or maybe he would have been like Carolyn and said Barie... i know we have all of this to look forward to with Liam, and I'm so excited, and for my own children and my friend's children and cousins, but I don't think I'm ever going to not think about who he would be today.

On a side note, I'm so uncomfortable sharing my grief with others..even my best friends don't know how this still hurts me. And I know that is part my fault, but my Mom shares it so readily and with such ease that I find I'm just generally uncomfortable around her now. I just don't feel right...and I don' tknow if it will every be better. I just don't at thispoint, but I'm exhausted and need a break

I miss Leify and I miss John, I really just want him to hold me right now...

I want to get my PHD in Economics with a specialty in Environmental or Ecological Economics. I don't know where I'll go, but I know to get in in the next year I have to retake my GRE's and take pre calc, calc x 2, possibly real analysis and differential equations, micro and macro economic theory and hopefully some econometric theory. So I gotta jam what I can in concurrenty with my Masters degree and I'm nervous about the amount of work, but I know this is what I want to do. I don't know where I'll end up...but I think this is it for me. Let's hope...so much work, but I'm excited. There is a great school in Santa Barbara but I would have ot prattically ace my quantitative in the GRE and do all of those classes and more, so we'll see.

Every night I can remember dreaming in the last week I have dreamed about babies...being pregnant, having babies. I miss Leify like crazy and I think about holding him and being with him. I can't wait for Liam to get here, I drool over the pictures of my friend's new baby. And I find myself jealous of those friends who are ready to commit or are already pregnant. I know we arent ready for a baby yet, I still want to finish school, John is going to Iraq again (I really don't want him to miss a chunk of the baby's life) babies are not right right now, but I think the reason I am extra nervous about everything is because I feel like right now I should be having a baby...and that is what I'm supposed to be doing. What if it some awful sign that something is going to happen to John? Maybe I should have him freeze his sperm now just in case...lol only I would think this way....

so I feel pathetic, right now..for this weekend, and the a little over all. All last week I had this nasty cough, it kept me up at nights, made it hard to paddle, but i went out to practice, and made doing anything besides work and paddle pretty impossible. On Friday I went to work for a couple hours and then came home to spend time with John..just to start feeling very achy and feverish, that continued throughout the night. John ended up leaving me for a few hours as things got worse and I watched a couple of cheesy movies and read Twighlight. Eventually he came home and we hung out for a few hours but I still felt like crap. Saturday I skipped practice and tried to spend the day with John...he made a really big breakfast and we read the paper and hung out, but sadly the time came to drop him off at the airport. I was a mess when I said goodbye= hacking up a lung, head burning and tears welling in my eyes probably a mix between real sadness ness and feversih delirium. I ran away as soon as he walked in to the security line. So now he is gone for 6 weeks. I came home watched more cheesy movies, and stayed in bed all night trying to get better (all the good that did me) Around 2 am i woke up coughing and texted Tav to let her know I shouldn't paddle. Then I woke up and put my swimsuit on just in case she needed me to paddle, but she didnt. I spent the morning going in and out of sleep and watching more cheesy tv on netflix. I read a little bit of a huge pile of newspaper clippings I have been meaning to read, and talked to Care and Tim a bit. Finally arond 3 I drove to the store and bought frozen pizza and ice cream and got a couple of brainless movies from Blockbuster (story of my weekend really) I managed two bowls of icea cream and 2 slices of pizza combined with the crackers and soda i had today, and I have a very healthy diet. Now its time for bed, skipping work to go to the doctor's, so hopefully in a few days i can put this all behind me. I'm really being a baby about it, but I guess I'm just feeling couped up. As I'm writing this I realize how much of a baby I'm being, things could be so much worse, and I could be a lot sicker, but I have some sort of flue or something and i'm going to get better i just need to stay strong and push through.

I was very sad to miss the regatta today, especially when Ifound out they took 7th out of 12th, which is the best we have ever done. I'm so torn, becuase I'm really happy and proud of my team, but of course there is the bit of me that is sad because I wasn't there, and now I'm scared that I won't paddle next week. And then this week we are also supposed to meet with the coach from the other club to work on distance stuff, to see if we can go paddle with them for distance season...and I'm nervous that I'll still be sick and i'll miss out, just like in the regatta, or that worse- I won't be good enough.... I have really let paddling become something important to me. I think because it is a challenge and I really like the challenge and want to be up to it, but also because it has brought me all of my friends in hawaii...without paddlign I feel like I wouldn't have anyone when John is gone. And its true... I wouldn't.

So in the long scheme of things and the patheticness I speak of...I'm turning 25 next week, and I just don't think I'm accomplishing what I want to. Lately i haven't felt on top of things...on top of things that need to get done, on staying on top of news stories, on anything. Trying to keep straight all the historical, political, and environmenta facts of the world...i think I'm trying too hard to do everything at once, I read things but they don't really stick, and I'm just becoming a little flustered. I have piles of reading around me..magazines, books, newspapers, plus a wealth of topics to look into. And I'm trying to gear all of this to what I want to do...and there are so many options now adays with sustainable development rising- new cap and trade systems emerging, renewable energy sectors, and green initiatives, but there is so muc to pick apart about these policies and ideas....and I am wondering where to begin at times. There are so many arguments one every side about every issue- everyone thinking they have an edge up on the other..."top secret" news stories, a different angle, a historical perspective (that's the one I normally take) but it really doesn't mean squat when your trying to get things done if you can argue one way or the other. Sure you can read a top secret news story that says that Pakistan is really taking aim at the Taliban, but you have no who they are identifying as the Taliban, most likely its members of an opposition party. I don't know..maybe it is the fever typing all of this...but I just feel overwhelmed by possibility and knowledge that I need sometimes. And I'm nervous that I am more of a Sarah Palin than a Barack Obama, if i try to discredit all the facts and figures people use as unimportant, because I am incapable of looking them up and understanding them myself. I'm just feeling flustered. And I'm about to turn 25 and I don't know where I'm going, and I've expected a lot of myself and my ability to analyze situations and arguments and I want to do something worthwhile, I fear I'm going to end up some sort of office manager or executive assistant for the rest of my life.

The last weekend in June we had practice in Makaha on Friday. It was okay, but I didn't get to paddle very much, which I wasn't happy with. Afterward John and I got beer and pizza at Red Barons in Waianae, then headed over to Ernie and Oscars for boardgames (Apples to Apples, and boys vs girls Crainum) and poker. We stayed till about 4 am and then left because John had a formation in the morning.

Saturday ended up being a big errands/ money day. We went out to Anna Millers with Nat for eggs benedict (eggs California..delicious) then we went to Best Buy for a bluetooth ( new cell phone laws in Hawaii) then we went to Target, Costco, and Home Depot for a grill. Then we came home and ate salami, cheese, crackers, kalamata spread, and wine, while watching a movie of some sorts. Pretty much took the rest of the evening to relax for Waimanalo.

Sunday was the Waimanalo race, we didn't do too bad, the water was choppy and it was windy so you had to be very careful. When taking the boat in the water everyone had to lift it over the waves and walk in, and then scramble into your seat. The Novice A ended up in 9th out of 12th, which isn't too shabby. Afterward we got Teddy's big burgers, and came home to relax, watch movies, and eventually try grilling up steak and aspargus (unfortunately my stomach was really bothering me so I didn't eat much :( )

The next week went by fast, same old same old at work. I only worked 20 hours, which was nice to cut out early a couple of days. I had an appt on Wed, the doctor gave me a clean bill of health more or less, she said that I may have IBS which is causing the pain in my stomach, and it shows I'm not dealing with stress well. She also prescribed motion sickness patches for paddle. Paddle was good last week, the motion sickness patches seem to quell some of my anxiety in the water, and I felt pretty good. We did an really tough exercise, where we tied up the boat and it was pretty good for my technique I think. On Wed John and I met to do a ton of grocery shopping (okay by me I love to grocery shop) and then in the evening we did 10 60x120 (60 second all out, 120 second walk) afterward we cooked up falafel, tzatziki,couscous and beer and watched American Gangster...great movie. Thursday we went to paddle practice, afterward we went out to Pipeline to see a poetry slam and meet up with Ernie, Oscar, Nat, Pua, and Phil. We got there pretty early and ate and got to listen to most of the slam, and then everyone showed up, but we didn't stay long, they were doing a Michael Jackson tribute, and it wasn't really our thing. So we headed out to the Hibiscus Club for karaoke. I am slowly coming to the realization that karaoke is a much more serious thing here then it was back in college. I chose to sing Sweet Caroline, because it is loud and I could just shout and everyone could shout too...everyone else chose songs that they actually sounded good singing...hmm..I have some work to do on my karaoke. So we stayed there until last call, around 2 am, everyone continued to go out, but John and I headed home since I had work in the morning.

Friday John drove me to work ,and ran some errands while I logged a couple of hours. Then we came home, originally expecting to take the 2 man out, but instead relaxing and building the puzzle until Nat was ready to go to the movies. We ended up watching Hedwig and the Angry Inch while finishing the puzzle..finally, and then starting dinner when we finally heard from Nat with a movie time of 8:05. So we cooked up some delicious buffalo burgers and sauteed mushrooms to go, and then met Nat at the theater just a tiny bit late to see Public Enemies. I thought the movie was okay, I think the plot, character, and contextual development (existing witin the eve of WWII and the great depression) were lacking a little, but the story was still interesting, and the actors extrmemly charaismatic, so that really helped it.

Saturday, July 4th, we went down to WAikiki to watch the McFarlane, surfing regatta. It was very cool, and something I really want to take part in next year. Nat and I went out into the waves a bit, but it was really crowded, so we mostly stayed on the beach, took pictures of the "boys of paddling" for Nat's calendar, and got really sunburned. We met up with Uncle Lono from New Hope club, and decided to meet up with him at Duke's Canoe Club afterward. Uncle Lono had come out to practices at Kamaha'o, and he was the first person to actually coach me individually on getting the technique down, he was really helpful. So we met him at Dukes and we all got a few beers and sat and talked about paddling, and technique, steering, and huling. Then Uncle asked us what our goals were, we told hime we wanted to do distance, water changes, and the molokai crossing, so he said we should come paddle for new hope. I was really excited about this, but I'm still not sure, because I do not want to betray Uncle Bob, Tav, or Kamaha'o, but I really want to do distance....So we spent another couple of hours drinking, dancing to Bob Marley, and hanging out at Dukes. Nat and Uncle talked paddle mostly, but I got out of it and talked with John. Then we had a nice drunken walk back to the car, hopefully not too obnoxious for John, the DD, but I guess Nat almost walked into a police officer, and I was just rambling, and then Nat stopped for waht felt like an hour to take a picture of the moon, and then she was on the phone the whole way home while I sang along with Tom Petty and stuck my feet out of our dirty neon on H1. We were supposed to go to Iroquis after, but we were exhausted, and the fireworks almost spent, so Nat left, and John and I ordered a pizza and watched Saved.

Sunday John slept in, but once he was up we were moving. We straightened up the house, finally took out the recyclables, and went up to Wahiawa for what was supposed to be an easy 5 mile hike to a swimming hole and back. Unfortunately the trails are not well marked in Wahiawa. First we missed the first trail, and ended up going down the return trail. No problem I thought, we can follow the directions in reverse. So we got out of a small valley and hiked steeply up to a ridge trail, and everything was going fine. Until we reached the end of the ridge trail, and could not find the right match up after hiking down the ridge to this stream. So we ended up hiking up and down the stream looking for the right trail, and getting soaked, then we tried one trail with a muddy embankment that we both fell on as we tried to scramble up, and we walked very steeply up this trail for a while, huffing and puffing. We got to the a pretty high top and realized that this trail may go on forever without taking us anywhere so we went back down into the stream. So then we went back up the original. We tried to take a side ridge, but the trail ended up disappering. At this point with had a quarter nalgene of water left and decided to head back. This was way easier said than done, as we missed the turn off to go back into the valley we came, and ended up walking up and down, probably a good mile in the wrong direction. Alas, we had turned around and was looking at the trail, when I saw a spot that looked familiar and I checked to see if it matched a picture I had taken when we first got on the ridge with my camera, it did, so we knew our side trail was close. Alas we found what we were looking for and was able to find our way out okay, a little thirsty and frustrated, but okay. After all that we were pretty exhausted, we came home and ate a lot of left overs, and watched Simpsons.

This week has been okay so far, Pam is back so there is a little extra stress, but she didn't even come in today, so not that much extra. I have a really nasty cough, I think something in the air is aggravating my mild asthma. Ihave tried a lot of cold medicine, inhaler, gargiling, and sinus relief, and nothing seems to be abating it. Today I almost stayed home from work, but decided to take cold medicine and go. Unfortunately I wasn't really thinking and took a midol instead of cold medicine! Luckily I got off around 2, drove straight home, took a tyelonol PM and went right to bed. I was hoping John would wake me up when he came home, but unfortunately what finally woke me up was Nat on the phone asking me if I was going to come to practice, I had slept till about 5:15. I know I sounded pretty out of it and groggy, but I got up and dressed and waited for John and we headed out. Practice was great, the water wasn't too bad and we actually got to go out to the buoy. We raced in, and I was sitting one, I dont think I was going fast enough though, and I felt bad...I really like one for distance season, and I've been sitting there a lot lately, which I hope means I'll get to sit up there...but I feel bad at the same time, because Nat also sits one, and she has been there forever, and really doesn't like that she doesn't get to practice it. But aside from that and the hacking every time we took a break, I really enjoyed practice today. Afterward Uncle Bob said something really sweet to me, he said that if I needed anything at all while John was gone to ask him or his wife. awe...that is because John is leaving for Texas on Saturday for 2 months :( O well, 2 months is better than 9-12 and Texas is better than Iraq, so I can not complain too much. After practice we watched Simpsons and ate grilled cheese. Now I am finishing this while I upload pictures, and then probably take cough medicine and go to bed.

So the rest of that day..May 24- we drank some fruity island drinks at the barefoot bar at the Hale Koa, then went to relax and shower upstairs. Went to dinner at Jimmy Buffets where Andie got hit on by the waiter (he was from Mexico and wanted to speak spanish with her for the rest of the night- then he told me I don't speak spanish..he didn't win any points on my end) and the food/drinks were pricey and un impressive. It was also really loud. So we left there and went to Senor Frogs for a couple more margaritas and the hope of spicing things up a bit. We were on the prowl for guys for Andie. Jiang met us out there, got us shots of tequila, and a couple more margaritas but we didn't stay long. We headed from there to Maddog Saloon where we spent the rest of a very long night. We started out quiet drinking margaritas and watching guys from the corner of the room..dancing just a little bit..then John and Jiang left us, and guys started flocking to Andie..and vice versa..lol We met a ton of guys..mostly navy, but a few local, few tourists.. I talked a lot about my husband, and Andie had a good time..when John came back from hanging out with John I took him around the room and introduced him to all of our "new friends" There were two guys we made the mistake of befriending...the first a marine there all by himself who I felt sorry for. When I introduced him to Jiang he told me I was trying to set him up with a gay guy, he then told me Andie was a whore, but a few minutes later he was trying to get with her.... at the end of the night he told us a couple local guys we talked to were going to rape us and then tried to get in a fight with one of them because "Andie was his girl" at which point i said we had enough and stormed away with John, Andie, and the second mistake following. the Second mistake followed all the way back to the hotel- helping John buy a ton of soda and snacks along the way- at the intersection before the hotel in Andie's cunning plan to get rid of mr mistake she darted off the path with him through the Hilton Waikiki Village...not sure what happened there..we then searched the hotel for the next hour or so looking for her all over the beach...missing her at the room, then running into the navy guy (mr mistake) saying he too lost her- then finally having her come back..all of this at about 5 am, dismissing the navy kid awkwardly and getting such much needed sleep. We slept from 5- 11 then drove home, while we had planned to go hiking we ended up spending memorial day finishing our bad scary movie night and ordering pizza.

Let's see Andie went up that Tuesday, we had skipped practice, did dinner at the Olive Tree on Thursday for Nat's birthday and our 5th anniversary of being together. That Friday we did poker night with Jiang and Wu..I was doing well but got bored- as always, and lost..Wu was pretty good though, I knew I wasn't going to crack him, and when it looked like it was going to take too long I went all in on a decent hand, but lost...meh...cest la vie. I got sick that Saturday morning so we stayed home from practice and caught up on a lot of sleep. I felt better after and we ended up having the Stegers over to do laundry and eat KFC. That night we ended up watching Jazmine and watching Bolt..both a fun time. She was having a tough time, being 2 and moving away from home, but she did great with us..we played with the cats, and the piano, read a few books, and watched the movie. Bed time was a little hard but two milks and a juice, and a little coaxing, some extra stories, she was good to go..really I dont know why they say its so hard...lol (j/k I was so nervous she wasn't going to sleep because her sleep patterns are messed up from the move and we would have looked like horrible babysitters)

That Sunday we went up Diamond Head with the Stegers and then to their going away party at the Kona Brewery..sigh I miss the Stegers.

So June as been a rough month for work so far, "Greg"( boss's spoiled son) is kinda bratty and intrusive in the work place. He is condescending, and demanding. He has kinda of taken over and has pretty much succeeded in getting the OM fired.. It's sad because through Greg coming the OM and I have become better coworkers.. the other sad thing is I agree with some of the reasons they are firing her, but I don't think she deserves it, and I think Greg may bring this company down if he can not learn how to work well with others. John and I call him weasel boy because he just expects everything with very little actual input..so it seems. Today he called me for my computer pw, without any explanation, I had to request the explanation and he acted indignant that I wanted to know why he needed to get in my computer (this is a very small office and I do most of the accounting work, my computer is sensitve and I prefer not to have everyone in it) he then told me he was changing the pass word, and I said no your not we'll talk about it later...apparently, according to the OM, he then went through my stuff on my computer to see what I was "hiding" (probably checking to seeif I surf Myspace or something...which I don't...once in a blue moon maybe, but rarely) Imagine that I just don't want who has never managed money and continously wastes the company's money to have any information about our finances, I found my computer on with Quickbooks opened- but he didn't know the pw to get inside. We are going to be doing some regorganization in the office- but who knows how far that will all go....

So anywho highlights in June- Went out on the 5th till about 3 in the morning- we started the night drinking some 40s from 7-11 with some of the paddlers in the Simply Organized parking lot and tried to go to this little 80s flashback club but they wouldn't let us in cuz we had slippers on ( we have a sneaking suspicion it was because we are white..but que quiere...life is too short) So we ended up at the t-spot where you can show your toes and be pale as a sheet, as long as you buy beer and like to listen to island music :) So we met those requirements. We had a great time getting to know some new people, dancing..and the like.

next day was supposed to be an easy practice for the regatta on Sunday, but he ended up keeping us out there running unis (turns) forever!! I was so tired and hung over... afterward we relaxed and went to the Major's bbq- to welcome home Isom from Iraq..which was nice to see them.

Sunday we had the regatta most of the day at Keehi lagoon..I loved being in the koa canoe, and seeing how many people come any get into the regatta season. We didn't do as well as we hoped but there is next time.

the next week...the 11th we went to practice and a late night showing of Angels and Demons (love the sound track) Friday night we went out to Pikoi bay for practice--it was an awesome tiring practice, but with beautiful water and a beautiful sunset. Afterward we got smoked chicken and maui brew beer and hung out in the parking lot til the cops kicked us out. Then we picked up more beer and met up at Phil's for some soybeans, drinking, songs on the ukelele, and paddle talk. At about 4:30 we called it quits, but I think they went for a little longer..I drove an extremely drunk husband home...making him promise he would get up and hike with me in the morning..hehe

Hike we did- on Saturday we went up Mt. Kaala...we probably weren't ready for this..it ended up being 10 mile round trip (we got lost on the way down and went down the Waianae Kai trail which led us down a steep ancient Hawaiian trail...pretty cool, but tiring and hard on the knees) the hike itself was fun but really challenging..I had to keep stopping on the way up to catch my breath because it was so steep, and we made a lot of use of the cables they put up, so thank you for that!! We ran into a professor and his students studying some of the many species of snails that only live on the top of mt Kaala. It is the tallest mountain on the island of Oahu and it has a flat boggy top which a distinct climate from the rest of the island..there are several species that have evovled to live in only that location, however invasive species and extreme climate differentiations are threatening this ecosystem! We also ran into some hunters who had lost a pit bull... fun..but they seemed nice and said the dog was too, too bad we didn't see him :( The top was beautiful but we were ready to be on the ground when we were done. Afterward we drove home slow and sore, got some food, and probably watched a movie or Army Wives (i got John addicted)

Sunday we were at Kailua Beach all day..it was the King Kam regatta.. a good day for the mixed crew (as far as strength not position) but not so great for the women's or the men's 4...o well..win some and lose some. After the race we went to Roundtable for much deserved beer and pizza and then home to pass out

Last week skipped practice on Tuesday to prepare for the Environmental Assistant interview with the HI Army national guard..had the interview on Wed and it wasn't great...they asked me to describe how to take a part or fix a chain saw...that was the 2nd question, felt like it went down hill from there. AFter work, John cheered me up with Wendy's a Night at the Musuem!! :)

Thursday out at Monterey Canners after practice- had a few drinks and listened to a cover band with the paddlers. Friday went to Smith's house... had a few drinks- watched Swingers and a bad Masters of Horror movie...John had a few too many. Ended up throwing up over Smith's balcony...eew. Drove him home and put him to bed, got up in the morning and I got sick before practice. This is definitely a reoccuring theme..and I'm thinking it is a combination of nerves(fear of the water- the south swell has been up lately for the summer, and while it is actually fun to paddle in I get scared) and then I'm starting to think it could also be a little sea sickness...or preparation for. I went to practice anyway and I tried to get the uni down with Chanty. After practice I napped with John, ate soup,finished the movie W- it just made me sad and scared when I saw their plan to surround Iran- and spent the day reading Vonnegut's Jailbird and relaxing..which we definitely needed. That night we started a crazy tough puzzle and watched Lost in Translation (I don't know why everyone raved about this movie- I don't really like Scarlett Johannsen and found both their characters a little annoying)

Sunday we had the Nanakuli regatta, last year there was really high surf and they had to cancel the use of the koa (wooden) canoes, but this year it was beautiful and calm. The novice B mixed crew had a fun race because they had a new steerswoman from Makaha that took them way into another lane and around into a donut (this is after flipping at the starting line) For a race that only lasts 2 minutes long- its pretty much over at this point, plus your dqed for going in another lane. After the regatta we showered at home and walked to blockbuster and the store while talking to my Dad about father's day. I am so happy to hear him still talk about how much he likes his job... he really deserves to finally be doing something he loves after supporting us and having that weight on him for so long, and all the ups and downs he has had with careers. At Blockbuster John and I grabbed two random movies- Bride Wars and Nick and Norah's infinite playlist, and took them home to finish our puzzle. We didn't even come close, but we got some Zippys and gave it an honest try till abot 9pm then it was bed time... the puzzle is still sitting unfinished under our living room rug.

Sofar this week- Monday- work, relax at home with John, made spaghetti squash with feta and tomatoes, drank wine, and finished Army Wives Season 2 (I was happy to see John get into it...in the beginning I stayed up and watched it while he fell asleep- only to wake up occassionaly and point out the inacuraccies in the show...lol) Tuesday-paddle practice and Korean bbq. Wednesday- beer...chicken vegetable curry (made it myself and it was really really good!) and watched Gran Torino- I cried so hard at the end of this movie..at one point I just felt like sobbing forever..it felt good though, but I think it was because I enjoyed his character so much- someone who was intelligent and good, but needed to be opened up by grateful people, unlike his spoiled family. His character makes me think of my Dad really...which made it harder still...I love Clint Eastwood. Today as a tough day at work, stressful, and sad...the OM was crying and like I said before the weasel boy was sneaking around making life difficult for all that he crosses- I had a ton of stuff to do, and then I had to run to the building departmnet, so it was good day for me in that sense. AFterward we were really late to practice and I was really nervous because I heard the swell was really bad... but I went anyway, didn't get sick and had a good time. Swell wasn't too bad anywho, and we didn't end up surfing. (which scares me the most..lol) We were gonna go out afterward but ended up making mac and cheese and broccoli and watching Mr. Woodcock (stupid movie) and now John is passed out with Ziggy on the bed and here I am...romantic...

anyway some stuff to organize for me:

June- cable plan- figure out, NWA miles done, hiking this weekend, Waimanalo Sunday

July- maybe Waikiki for the 4th, Mom here the 15th to the 30- Shangrila tour, Mango days 5k, bday dinner

August- make sure scholarship good- CAA account works okay, etc..
September- Big Island for labor day - Queen Liluokalani Race, 1 Week in Arizona, school starts

October- John's Dad

November Kauai for Thanksgiving- B&B
December Arizona for Christmas
January Maui for Anniversary - hike Haleakala from sea to Summit trail

so the rest of April was filled with anger at Debbie, lots of class, Friday night class..movie watching, drinking and passing out at the Stegers on a couple occassions (coupled with lots of fun beer, delicous homemade greek food, and margaritas, oh and wii) We attempted to get up Mt Kaala once (biggest peak on Oahu) but it poured on us, and instead we met some fun Canadians on the way donw. We had three races the Huivaa distance opener- which was just me racing, at Magic Island in Waikiki, the Kahiau Ironman race- keehilagoon- I was throwing up all morning and convinced I was pregnant...I wasn't-- and then the Kala Kukea..a rough race for me...felt weird fatigure in my arms...stopped paddling once to take a look at the goregeous side of a cliff :) Let's see also went to a bbq where I met people from his unit, but they were all leaving...still good to meet the people he spent 9 months with, went to see Wolvering..eh... beach clean up at Bellows- good times...pretty dirty- some boogieboarding- got out on the two man had a bbq to clean up our trailer with the paddlers...all of this good times

Let's see May- finals were a bitch- still angry at Debbie at work, but getting better- got in an agrument with my incompetent management teacher on the final day- frustrated all around- Had the Kehiakahoe- got to sit one, work started getting better- went for a long paddle in the two-man with nat and her one man to almost whiteplains beach..a little crazy..got straight A's- woohoo! Spent a drunken night camping at Kbay with John, the stegers, and their friends..who Ican't remember their last name at the moment...

now for the stuff I can remember better - still short..I'm ready to just be caught up, I miss writing in here, but my OCD won't let me write without catching up (it's a bitch)

May 19- Andie flew in- met her at the airport, took her to North Shore- ate Kuaaina burgers and sat under the waterfall at Waimea falls, afterward took pictures and watched 9ft waves out of Haliewa, made greek food, and watched Twilight...eew

May 20- brought pizza and Andie to the Stegers to help them pack

May 21- brought Andie to Tav's house to help wrap laulau for the race on Saturday. then we drove up to visit John on staff duty. Then we came home and ate leftovers and watched Mama mia.

May 22- took off- Jason gave me crap for it- throughout the month of May Jason has passed Debbie in being the bane of my work existence- Andie and I drove to Hawaii Kai and climbed up Koko head, it was a literal climb, and had me kinda scared at several places, especially because i know Andie doesn't do a lot of stuff like this and I was worried about her in going forward...but she stuck with it and we made it up and down safely... one of the girls hiking behind us ended up spraining her ankle...what happens when you lose your respect for the natural resources you depend on..I think..although I don't want to be too judgemental- it sucks to sprain your ankle. Afterward we went to Kona Brewery and had some pupus and Wailua wheat beer. Then we drove home and met up with John for leftovers and movies probbably.

May 23 woke up early for the Kamahao Relay race- got to help set up and serve food, we had four teams show up which is a start right? I wanted to paddle but got confused so I ended up serving food instead...no matter. Got annoyed that Andie acted like she knew what she was doing better than me..had fun drinking land sharks and listening to Elray's two brother two man band. Had to leave early, but good show all around. Drove to Hale Koa check in immersed the crowds of tourist bridal parties, walked to my boss's house on Hobron for fight night. Stupid required work party, had fun seeing their place especially their view on the 30th floor- did not have fun with Jason, but that is Jason, Andie started her search for guys, but we left early. Went to Cheeseburger Waikiki and had chicken wings and Duke's blonde ale...not a bad night.

May 24 got up at a decent hour watched scrubs and took the bus to Chinatown, ate dumplings with Jiang (John's friend) at a Chinese restaurant...much better when he got there, we couldn't tell them that we didn't want anything with shrimp in it. Afterward we came back and went to the beach. At first Andie started to frustrate me because the whole time she was here...it is what do you want to do...only if you want to do it...and I was thinking just make a freaking decision it is your vacation. Then I started thinking maybe I'm a bad person...and I just dislike everyone except for John. But the water was really tough to swim in and I didn't want to but I asked her if she wanted to swim out further, and she gave methat stupid response, so I figured she did, and then I saw something out there...don't know what, turned out to be a Honu so I turned around. She followed, and it ended up being a frustrating experience.. because the water is so hard to swim in and I didn't want to swim out there to begin with, but i take full responsbility for the experience, because I had to make all the decisions...I know its a stupid thing to be annoyed about..but if you have to rant somewhere why not a nice private liverjournal that few of your friends know about..that way you can expel your weird annoyances..well basically it comes down to passivity..i just hate it sometimes..just suck it up make a decision and stand by it...end of story....anywho...the day got way better... and we just kinda took a break and Andie went on the beach and I hung out with John who just rented a stand up paddle board. For the next hour and a half all of us became engrossed in stand up paddling... trying to figure out how to actually stand up and learn as much as we can from the extremely crowded water filled with novice ocean paddlers/swimmers. By the end of the day we all got up, Andie was the first, John hurt himself the worst, and I got extremely wobbly, and almost abandoned board everytime a little bump came under the board...nevertheless we all kinda got it and left the beach in good spirits ready for a night of drinking. I'll stop here and try to finish later.

I stayed home from work today because my back was sore and I wanted to get my Hawaii drivers lisence for an interview I have next week...more on that later...

So about this rant, I'm pretty sure linda doesn't want us to have kids. She made a comment under breath when I mentioned it to Aunt Sandy saying something like "why would you do that..." and she has seemed completely disinterested in the subject. Maybe she thinks were too young like John's dad and wife, but I doubt it. I think she is scared of us starting our own family..and then John really will be all grown up (despite the fact that he is grown up right now...with kids she would have to accept it) We are also going to take care of her kids..which isn't a normal thing in her side of the family....I don't know what is running through her mind, but i made it clear to John, epsecially if his mom intends on following us when we "settle down" somewhere, that we need to stick up for our children. It doesn't even matter right now, but I rather deal with this now then when I'm 6 months pregnant....I mean yea we aren't planning on having children soon, but we want to..and i'll be 25 next month...we are starting to edge towards the half of the 20's where I expected children to arrive...and personally I have been feeling like I'm standing on the edge of diving board wondering when to jump in.. I mean I know we are not ready yet, we don't have a big enough place, I don't have a secure job, he doesn't have a career either, we aren't close to family, we are both still completely self absorbed with each other...and he is deploying again...babies won't be coming soon..but they are fun to think about...


so that Saturday of our vacation we went to Dad J's place. I like Dad Johnson, but sometimes him and Gerry seem off to me. For one thing I asked them what had happened to their dog (who was recently put to sleep) and they started crying, said we weren't allowed to talk about it, and then said "not to take anything away from your nephew, but she was an intelligent being to us." That shut me up completely...i just couldn't imagine anyone comparing the loss of a sick dog to the sudden death of a beautiful five month old baby...I was just completly flabergasted.. They proceeded to ask me questions about Leify later on in the weekend...as if it is completely okay to do that...I just don't get it...some people are just completely incabable of understanding something outside of their limited scope of view. I felt sympathy for their pet loss, and wouldnt' have even considered my own if they hadn't said anything. Complete ignorance... well the day continued a little rough and tumble after that....I was angry and crying in the bathroom..John was sneezing and having really bad allergies. They first took us to this nice wildlife preserve, but didn't stay long because of John's allergies and I just didn't want to talk to them...i was just so angry. John calmed me down after we got home and the two of us relaxed a little, which helped..I thought at the time about getting counseling, because i couldn't keep shutting bpeople out for saying the wrong things...by the time I came home though I was too busy and it got pushed to the wayside. For dinner that night we ate with Grandma and Grandpa Johnson to celebrate their anniversary and then Rachel slept over and we all played Crainum together and drank wine. That Sunday Barb and the kids came over and we all hung out till late... around 4 or 5, at which point John and I had to drive through Pennsylvania for our flight to Hawaii in the morning.

when we got back in April i had the last of my midterms, and a series of projects to do.. things were busy, and stressful at first. work wasn't going well, because debbie and I were not getting along, and things were a bit rough.

Practice was awesome today- the coaches were all gone, so Dan kinda ran things, which was cool. We took a couple of easy rides out to the fist marker, then we went over to Dog Park beach. There was a pretty good swell today..not by eastern area of the island standards, but I would say 4-5 ft. Getting into dog park was alittle rough, at one point everyone had to lean over and jumpt on the ama to keep us up...Dan said he could tell I got nervous, and I stopped paddling, which isn't very good, but i'm trying to live and learn, the waves seemed so much bigger at the time. We rode them in and hung out for a bit and then launched bag out. Dog Park is where we have gone over some pretty steep stuff (maybe 7ft-8ft) , but we found a nice lull this time, and had a couple of little fun bumps (closer to 4 or 5 so going out was nice) then we took and awesome gorgoeous paddle back in. Then we did steering practice,which was fun, but tiring, and I'm not very good at it still and I have had a ton of practice, I started doing better today though- I had to keep telling Dan i could do it though, maybe he could just sense my nervousness...and I didn't catch a bump at the end, but went the other way, becuase I'm a dork...It's so weird to just use this space to put out all my insecurities so I don't carry them aroudn with me...but if they aren't there I can leave my computer seat and go more confidently into the next series of events I will come up against, so it all works out well :) Anywho, despite being a little disappointed in myself (which is always going to happen, because its me) I had a wondeful day at practice..and I'm exhausted now... Afterward we met Nat, Darlene, Roger, Oscar and family, two new guys, and Mel and family at Shiros for breakfast...it was so cool..felt like family :) Darlene and Roger are leaving next week, and I'm so sad..they are such good energy to have around the canoe hale.. I feel like something will be missing when they are gone

Finally braved the traffic and went to the Whole foods that opened in September down in the beatufiul Kahala section of Honolulu...ritzy. I had to share my list..I spent $160 but I got lots of meat and alcohol (those are my basic Wholefoods things...that they do better than the other supermarkets)

Organic Porter beer
Fox Cider ale
Sierra Nevada Harvest Hop Ale
Daily Red organic (sulfite free red wine)
Another california red organic red wine
Local Hawaii caught albacore steaks
grass fed range organic beef steaks
grass fed organic porkchops
grass fed range organic lamb ribs(I don't normally eat lamb, but this was special)
organic buffalo


i know so meaty, but this meat will last us a long time...we don't eat it very often, and i don't brave the honolulu, waikiki traffic all that often :)

Goign camping this weekend at Kbay can't wait...

right now waiting on the lentil salad to cook...